Australian Competitions Club

These fit so well they should be in a dictionary

 

ADULT

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

 

BEAUTY PARLOR

A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS

The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead. 

COMMITTEE

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST

Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST

Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. 

HANDKERCHIEF

Cold Storage. 

INFLATION

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO

An insect that makes you like flies better.   

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

A doctrine, fostered by a delusional,

illogical minority.

RAISIN

Grape with a sunburn. 

SECRET

Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON

A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE

The pain that drives you to extraction.

  TOMORROW 

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. 

YAWN

An honest opinion openly expressed. 

WRINKLES

Something other people have...similar to my character lines.

OLD

She very quietly confided to her friend that she was having an affair.

The friend turned to her and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

And that, folks, is the definition of 'OLD'!