Australian Competitions Club

Discussions => Jokes => Topic started by: sylph on Sunday 13 April 2008, 11:01:36 am



Title: Words of Wisdom (not really a joke) :)
Post by: sylph on Sunday 13 April 2008, 11:01:36 am
My Aunty Joyce is in her late 70's and makes these little fridge magnets and sells them at the local flea markets, as well as giving them to all her friends and relatives as little gifts.  She also makes all her own cards, complete with prettily decorated envelopes.  She makes them all by hand, using cute little pictures she's cut from cards or magazines, decorates them with glitter and clue, and carefully writes all the witty sayings, some of which she comes up with herself. Then she trims them and laminates them and fixes the magnets to the back.  She has a wonderful sense of humour, and I thought I'd share some of them with you.  They don't scan really well (glitter never does), so I can't show you how pretty they are.  Here's some of my favourites:

Doggie Heaven
Dear God, why don't humans smell each other instead of flowers?
Dear God, when I get to heaven, can I sleep on the bed instead of the floor?
Dear God, may I have more meat balls than spaghetti?
And Dear God, may I please have my testicles back also?
Amen.


"No diet will remove all the fat from your body, because the brain is entirely fat.
Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for Public Office."


"I like gifts of flowers and chocolates. But what I appreciate most is something you made yourself.
Such as money."


"What the world needs is a lot more love, and less paperwork."


"I'm in NO shape to exercise!"


"It is OK to follow your heart:  just remember to take your brain with you."


What is a B.I.T.C.H.?
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything!


The Seven Dwarves of Menopause
Itchy
Bitchy
Sweaty
Sleepy
Bloated
Forgetful
and Psycho.


"A True Friend, is like a good bra:  hard to find, lifts you up, gives you support, and is always close to your heart."


Go Aunty Joyce! :cheers:  lol


(http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e84/sylph28/Joyce.jpg)

I managed to scan them, they haven't come up too badly, but they're still prettier in reality. :)


Title: Re: Words of Wisdom (not really a joke) :)
Post by: reet57 on Sunday 13 April 2008, 11:12:43 am
God love ya, Auntie Joyce  :D :D :D love the menopause one  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Title: Re: Words of Wisdom (not really a joke) :)
Post by: justtee09 on Sunday 13 April 2008, 01:15:12 pm
These are gorgeous...what a beautiful Auntie Joyce you have...now I know where the sense of humour comes from...lol....x :D