Australian Competitions Club

Dear  Friends

 Just before the end of the financial year I wanted to thank you for the
 e-mails you have forwarded over the year

 I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat s**t in  the glue on envelopes,
 because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

 Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

 I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die
 in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that
 Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the
 senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending
 to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

 I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
 for me.

 I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to
 seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

 I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

 I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so
 a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

 I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
 perfume sample and rob me.

 I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
 and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

 I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is
 lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

 I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it
 probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
 grab my leg.
 
 I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
 neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

 By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
 discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough s.., always read
 their emails while holding the mouse.

 Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

 Regards,

 

HOW TRUE DOES THAT SOUND

we have probably all had many emails like that